Shock and Awe

Dear Husband:

Before reading, be sure to cue up the following music/SFX: Stereotypical porn music.

Scene: Morning routine with the kid

Action: From this day forward, please remember to change the channel on the TV from the premium movie channels like HBO and/or Cinemax to either a network channel or basic cable channel. We do not need a repeat of this morning's event.

As part of our usual morning routine, the kid stumbled into our room at 7:00 a.m. to climb into bed and watch morning cartoons while I was motivating to get ready for work. As we turned on the TV, we were both suddenly stunned as the TV was on HBO and was airing porn. Not sure who at HBO thought that airing this type of programming is a smart thing to do so early in the morning, but that is another conversation all together.

So as seconds rapidly flashed before my eyes and actually felt like 15 minutes, I gasped and hastily changed the channel. I know this is funny and disturbing at the same time, however I would hate to think of this happening again.

So dear husband, please do remember to change the channel at night to a more benign channel such as NBC 12 or even HGTV. Or possibly put a secret code on the premium movie channels to ensure this doesn't happen again. I know I am going to need hours of therapy!

Sincerely,
Your Wife

Danka Shane

Dear Husband:
As I had finished working with the kid the other night writing the most recent round of thank you notes a voice popped in my head that said "there is definitely no way the Husband will ever remember to write thank you notes if I am not here." And to confirm those thoughts, I sat for a brief second and recalled each birthday/Christmas or other gift giving holiday (as you know, birthdays are truly a holiday in our household) to see if you had taken the initiative to write thank you notes with the kid. (SFX: Wa, Wa, Waaaaaah).

I know when we discussed this important task you were quick to respond that you have in fact have written one said thank you note with the kid. This note was really from you with input from the kid to your boss' mother who made a chocolate pie for us and the kid wouldn't eat one bite of it. While there is an "A" for effort, I'm not sure we can count that as a necessary note that the kid needed to scribe.

Chances are you will receive some "get out of jail free cards" on the whole thank you note thing if I am no longer around. However, it would be nice for people to be surprised by the kid's continued show of politeness and of course you can begin to showcase your dad-like awesomeness.

Remember, it is the little things in life that make people happy.

With Love,
Your Wife

The "Parroting" Effect

Dear Husband:
The past few weeks we have noticed a sudden "I wanna be like dad" change with the kid. This is great, as it puts less pressure on me, but there are a few things to remember if you are going to be the center of the kid's universe.

Now more than ever, he will begin to pattern your behavior and continue to do so if I am not around to offer my opinion. So here are a few tips that should help you along this journey:

- Please remember to use your manners. Try to minimize the audible burping and farting. If unavoidable always say excuse me. As funny as it is to expel gas, it may not be so comical for his teachers and others who may be exposed to the noxious fumes outside of the home.

- Watch your language and try to pre-screen questionable movies before having a guys night in the basement. As you know from past experience, he is quick to pick up words such as damnit (I know, I am guilty for that one). It can be challenging to have a conversation explaining some of the more outlandish statements that can pop up in movies or T.V. shows.

- Try not to become a child too when playing with him. I know it can be fun at times to revert back to child-like behavior, but you must be a dad at all times, as hard as it is sometimes. It is ok to act silly, but as tempting as it is to reciprocate something like a "wet willy" try to refrain from this sort of activity in the future. We both know this will become a problem (e.g. wedgies). And neither one of us want to have "that kid!"

A good rule of thumb is again to ask yourself "What would Pru do?"

That is all for now. Talk to you soon.

Love,
Your Wife

Don't Depend on the Replacement

Dear Husband:
Recently, we were IM'ing at work as we usually do (as that seems to be the only time we chat) and I had found some fun activities to do over the weekend. I had asked jokingly over IM, "Would you plan ahead and find fun things for us to do with the kid?" and your response was "I won't need to worry about that, my new wife will do it." Touche' my friend, touche'.

While that may in fact happen, it is important not to depend on others to plan activities. Your new wife may be too overwhelmed with the new insta-family and might not know how to be as resourceful as I (I am assuming of course, that you will find yourself a young twenty or thirty-something who is not very versed in parenting). As you know, I am a very hard act to follow.

I would recommend that you try and plan a few fun activities per month so that it is ingrained in your parenting behavior in case the unexpected happens. I will leave you with a link or two that may help you with this small, but important task.

When selecting an activity try and ask yourself "Is this something that Pru would do?" If yes, go for it. If there is any hesitation, remember the traveling zoo debacle*. Best of luck and remember to have fun as that is the point.

Yours Truly,
Your Wife

*Avoid attending activities that are being offered at the RIR in the form of a traveling zoo. While riding on a peeing elephant can be loads of fun, the remainder of the activity was harshed by not only the crowd but the lameness of the event.

Explanation, With Love

Dear Husband:
I am keeping this blog just in case anything should happen to me before our son has grown-up, gone to college and can fully care for himself. Not that I don't trust your parenting capabilities, I completely do. Instead I worry that the day-to-day things may get overlooked and thought this would be a handy reference for the two of you.

As you know, this started because in many conversations we have had over the past five years, I say, "Would you have thought of this or remembered this if I die?" and your response was a half-hearted "uh, yeah." So here it begins, my words of wisdom for whatever they are worth. Enjoy.

With Love,
Your Wife